Step 1: Make sure your father is chief, If he's chief then you may have any man you want. Oh .. and as your father is chief you will wear the toga in the relationship, if he refuses to obey, just grunt for your father to feed him to the lions of sumthing, you don't care.. many more hairy bears in the forrest. For those unfortunate cave-women who's father is not a chief be wary of your mate's head getting big, give him a few hits with your club to make sure his head is in the right place, how ever you must hit him hard as the skull is extra thick.
Step 2: On the first hunt/outing together let him kill the deer and praise him with many grunts, he will enjoy that. Compliment him on how thick his monobrow is or the the gracefullness of his killing technique, most men use spears and throw from afar, while other use knives shaped from rock and kill the animal through hand to hand combat, this type of man is not ideal as he will most probably die while hunting. The spear using cave-man will last longer and provide more food for your future children, named Huno, Ano, Chiri, Sulu, Kaki, Atu, Sahu, Lunti, Faht, Nelki and Uhi. The more children the better as they are hunted by lions...
Step 3: Do not forget the mating dancing, where when you express interest in your mate, you must squant infront of his sleeping place and chant "ANU EHNU ETI ATCHY TUCHU' over and over again this will certainly drive him crazy for you, what you are doing here is mimicking the ritual of giving birth. Do not forget to flap your arms like a chicken, therefore you are showing him that you are fertile and prepared to give birth to your many future chicks.. I mean children.
Step 4: If this has not worked or you unfortunately did the ritual on the wrong sleeping place then it is OKAY! Give the mis-guided cave man some of your faeces to show him that you did once enjoy the attention (protein) love ( minerals) that he gave you, and the thrill of a tiger cub he caught for you but now it seams as though there is nothing left for him to offer and now you must separate from him and find a better hunter.
Step 5: By this time you would have definitly attracted his attention and have him giving you deer/bear/lion hearts, if you haven't it must mean that he was hit too many times with the club on the head when he was little, do not blame yourself, you wouldn't want to bear his stupid children anyways, srsly! Just move on.
Step 6: When the moment comes the moment will come, pretend you have never anticipated this to happen. Set you face as though you have witnessed fire for the first time. Anyways, when he brings out the square wheel, thank him profusely, this will make travelling for much more convient than that horride the 3 sided wheel that your first cave mate made for you.
Good luck, bear many children, choose your mate carefully.
Cave girl An-hu-ni
But hey!!! Now I can sort of ice skate with no ones help!
